To say that the last 3 years have been anything less than a roller coaster ride would be an understatement. This post-divorce journey – a single mom of 2 kids still living at home, two adult children living their own life afar, an exchange student who has been living with me for the past year, has been both challenging and crazy. I make mistakes every day. I am who I am. I am me – being brave, being alone. I’m a full-time mom, I’m a daughter trying to help my recently widowed mom when I can, juggling everything at home on my own, working a 40-50hr a week job, still struggling to live out my passion of writing romance novels, a non-profit chair/volunteer, and an all around community cheerleader. Whew! It’s a crazy, wonderful life filled with ups and downs…and I wouldn’t change ONE single thing!
My world changed again when I lost my dad to lung cancer last November. I moved home 3 1/2 years ago after my divorce to spend some quality time with him and my mom after living away for more than 25 years, and I’ll never be more thankful that I made that decision. God made it for me, really. It allowed me 3 years to get reacquainted with him again, and outside of a few bad months here and there, I was able to enjoy the dad that I always wanted growing up but didn’t have the chance due to many other challenges.
I lost focus on what was most important for awhile though, going through all the stress and emotions of this new life. I had been become far-sighted at best, and I’m not proud of that. I didn’t get a ‘How To’ manual after the divorce was final. I didn’t receive lists for ‘What Not to Do’, or ‘Who to Avoid at all Costs’ .I had to learn as I lived. After I lost my dad, I made a commitment to spend more time at home to reorient myself, to be present and make my kids my priority above all else. My focus is once again near-sighted, and I’m loving and spending more time with those who matter most in my life – my mom, my grandmother in the nursing home – both of them being brave, being alone. I enjoy time with my best girlfriends from high school, my Christian sisters, some of whom are closer to me than family. They surround me every day with support and love, and encouraging words. In turn, I do the same for them. I’m also writing again, and smile more, happy from the INSIDE out! I feel it and others see it, which makes all the difference in how I see life.
Until God sends him my way, I will let God be my sole provider. He is the only one who can give me strength and help me be brave.
Being brave, but thankfully with Him…never alone.
Until next time.